Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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