You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize