Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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