Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
