please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My liver just broke up with me...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize