Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
