I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
