Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
