On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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