Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
