i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
