I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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