Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize