Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
