my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
