Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
