the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
