Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize