ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
