I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You are a genius and a whore.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
