I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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