is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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