I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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