Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
