Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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