Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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