just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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