I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
