Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's shark week go big or go home
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
