I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
