just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
