Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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