he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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