Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Drunk is not a location!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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