the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
