He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
