I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
