OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
