absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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