So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
