yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
