she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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