Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
