Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My ass is underappreciated
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
