I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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