i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
