Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
