Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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