I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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