Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Randomize
