Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
