Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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