Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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