I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
