i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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