i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i now understand why vodka
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
