We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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