walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
