whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize