i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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