he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
