we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
