So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
