What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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