I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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