A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize