He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize