Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
